I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
