I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize