Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
