her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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