My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
