She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
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