Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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