i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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