Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
