What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
wow bdsm is so cute
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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