I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
