i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
