Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
