You're so nebulous sometimes
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
