yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Randomize
