Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
