But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Randomize
