So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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