Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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