You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
