my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize