Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
