i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
