She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize