So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
