Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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