..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
there was a trapeze. enough said
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
