So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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