somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
