Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Randomize
