I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
