We're facebook friends in real life
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
