I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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