Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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