i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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