Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
