Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize
