i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
