I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
