is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
