I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
is wine microwaveable?
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
