doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I cockslap morals
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
