literally had 100 drinks last night.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize
