so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
