I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
