So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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