I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
they need to just BURY HIM!
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
It's never too late to be topless.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
