This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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