you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
