I think my fart just growled at me.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
