wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
