Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
