The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
