I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
