She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
