so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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