I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
