Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Randomize
