Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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