he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
