You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
