I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
