Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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