My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
