so explain again why im purple
no
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Randomize
